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RELATIONSHIPS

Does Denying Your Man Sex Work?

Will it make you wife material?

BY YAZA Ghana Team

Apr 26, 2021, 04:39 PM

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A woman took to social media to share her grievance. She confessed to having a boyfriend of 4 months with whom they had not yet had sex with. Why? She doesn’t want it to be the most important thing in a relationship. And second, she wants to set standards for him to see her as wife material. She went further ahead to disclose that she was having an affair with another guy. Just sex. Nothing serious. She asked for advice because she felt she was doing something wrong.

People came out in large numbers to condemn her, calling her a hypocrite. How could she set a standard while she didn’t have any for herself? Some praised her for killing one bird with two stones. Others wanted to know if her boyfriend was one of those “nice” guys who don’t ask for sex or if he was also having an affair with someone else.

We won’t talk about her choices today or what she did or didn’t do right. I was perplexed that she thought denying her man sex could make him see her as wife material. 

Who Is Wife Material?

Ghanaian men are obsessed with wife material. You’ll hear them talk about who and who isn’t fit to become a wife. And they have made us obsessed too because we want to be the women they choose. We want to wear the badge of honor and show other people what wife materials look like. But who is wife material? Is she the woman who cleans and cooks and takes care of her man? Is she the decent woman who doesn’t show thighs? Is she the one who goes to church and doesn’t take alcohol? Who is a good and bad woman? Or is she the one who foregoes sex and waits until marriage?

Does Denying Him Sex Lay A Strong Foundation For The Relationship?

If I could get a chance to interview the woman I’d ask what they do at sleepovers. Do they cuddle, look each other in the eye, confess how much they love each other, say The Grace, and then sleep?

We all have personal beliefs and opinions when it comes to sex. Others will say it sets a good foundation, others will disagree. Some will follow the 90-day sex rule. But is sex a measure of commitment? Does it define a relationship? Is sex the key to a healthy and happy relationship? Is it a symbol of love? Is a relationship guaranteed to last longer when he waits? A woman who gives her cookie earlier, is she loose?

I asked a male friend what he thought about this and he said you can have sex on the first day and be in a long-term relationship. And you can delay sex and it doesn’t take off. The man might also be trying somewhere else as you try to prove that you are wife material. 

It All Comes To Down To Intentions 

As a woman, you can have the best intentions for a relationship, but a man won’t. If he intended to smash and go, even after waiting 5 months, he will still smash and go. Nothing will change his mind. But if he was serious about settling down with you, he will still settle with you. Furthermore, a man knows who to get serious with and who to mess around with. He knows if you are the one on the first date. So before you make these rules, know the nature of your relationship and if you are on the same page.

Read: 5 Things Nobody Tells You About Adulting